Frugality - Part I

How to keep focus in a world so full of distractions? Frugality. I try to live with less things as possible, clutter and many possessions can give me anxiety. If I don't fit all my possessions in a suitcase, I have too much. We live through the false impressions of things. 

Are you not ashamed of yourself, all of you who are smitten by wealth? Come, look at the heavens; you will see the gods devoid of possessions, and giving everything though they have nothing, - Seneca

 

Tourist at monk's cell:"Where is your furniture?"

Monk: "Where is yours?"

Tourist: "Mine? I'm only a tourist here."

Monk: "And so am I."

Suffering for love - Part I

You see, all these specialists are saying: "If you love yourself, you would never suffer for someone else, because you are whole and do not need validation and reciprocation from others."

I believe it is the opposite. Tell me, when do we start to love ourselves? When we accept all our flaws and imperfections. It is exactly when we accept that and love ourselves the way we are build (of course we can always improve certain conditions like eating well, or having more discipline) but our main character... our foundation, we somehow, one day, we have to accept them and see ourselves as a whole person. It is when we can purely love others, even if they do not respond to us. I choose, to love someone, I choose, my decision, because despite all his flaws I see him as whole, admirable whole.

That Monk, who said, "I never enjoyed the world."

The bro, who said, "Move on."

I never enjoyed the world*, but I love someone so deeply, nobody will ever take his place.

“The world” is the general name for all the passions. When we wish to call the passions by a common name, we call them the world. But when we wish to distinguish them by their special names, we call them passions. The passions are the following: love of riches, desire for possessions, bodily pleasure from which comes sexual passion, love of honor which gives rise to envy, lust for power, arrogance and pride of position, the craving to adorn oneself with luxurious clothes and vain ornaments, the itch for human glory which is a source of rancor and resentment, and physical fear. Where these passions cease to be active, there the world is dead…. Someone has said of the Saints that while alive they were dead; for though living in the flesh, they did not live for the flesh. See for which of these passions you are alive. Then you will know how far you are alive to the world, and how far you are dead to it.”

+St Isaac the Syrian (7th Century)

What a mess,

Did I live what I was supposed to live?

I lived, and I want no one to give what I lived

What was my goal?

Something magical happened while I was here and not there

while I was living?

One lady falls, and I search for help, 

I cannot even lift her!

Imagine all the imaginary falls we do...

Who is there to help us?

Soar, fly, live free

true love commands you to grow 

and your happiness

nothing else in return

-Solvarg

But pure love is simple

You do not demand the other to love you back

it happens effortlessly

You want her to thrive

you don't hold her dreams back

Both of you want to see the other shine and grow

both of your souls are attracted to each other

The external beauty is magnetic because of the soul

I see its flaws, its weakness, and its fears

Despite this, I still chose to be at his soul side

whenever it needs me.

Loving someone 

is sometimes like a horror story

someone wants to kill something

someone wants to die in someone's life

someone is dying from inside

or a body is rejected by his own creator

Primavera, cantora solitária

queimando tumultuosamente

no coracão, este amor permanece

como mil espadas gemendo

Este chamado, insatisfeito

não me pertence

não é minha voz

sim, meu irmão, é um demônio em minha própri'alma

Nós dois juntos, não mais!

She was leaving the castle after another insignificant talk with other governesses. While reaching the knob of the door, he called her:

-Countess, wait!

Her face took a serious countenance as something really serious was about to be revealed.

He looked down and started to explain with many pauses, that he would not be able to tutor her daughter this week.

The Countess was longing to hear something of vital importance and she was staring at him with all her attention.

She left the castle not relieved. She knew it was not what he wanted to say.

 Things I am grateful for

-Not getting all I want (I learn to trust the God/universe)

-boundaries as a tool for peace (boundaries are not rejection)

-small and deep talks

-me being able to move 

-uncomfortable truths

-handmade cookies 

With you, some people will talk and talk

and it does not mean anything

others will look at you

and it will say everything

With you, some people will have fun

others will just touch your hand 

and it will be more powerful than the sun

 My head says

"do not fall in love again

you will be hurt"

and here I am

fighting against all my reasons

to part from you

My soul says the opposite

"she is worth your time, your dedication"

a little glimpse of your dark eyes

and my soul just goes into flames

- Solvarg

Louder

There is nothing louder

Than two people that love each other

But never dared to say

due to fear of rejection.

 I have not figure out my purpose in life yet

But being around you is good enough 

Even if one day you will be only memories

It does not matter what language you speak

The only one necessary is the language of the soul

I hope you find someone who can understand this one 

so you do not waste your time translating it

January

No matter how hard I tried

You are attached to my blood

Vital

Vital remains

I miss this person

That I do not even know if exists inside of you

You knew though

You smiled

You knew

I hope I can calm your soul one day

Because that is why I was born to 

-Solvarg

December

Across decades

I cannot see

to comfort myself

undone

incessantly

I seek you

with a gentleness so violent

on a bitterly cold December 

when the snowflakes

tap on your window

It is me, asking how you are

really...

Her inner beauty

made a slave of me

-Solvarg

how fast 

everything becomes the past

it is mortifying to remember

that you were just there

frail

presently leading 

nowhither

the only way to live

is to die in this world

-Solvarg

“The world” is the general name for all the passions. When we wish to call the passions by a common name, we call them the world. But when we wish to distinguish them by their special names, we call them passions. The passions are the following: love of riches, desire for possessions, bodily pleasure from which comes sexual passion, love of honor which gives rise to envy, lust for power, arrogance and pride of position, the craving to adorn oneself with luxurious clothes and vain ornaments, the itch for human glory which is a source of rancor and resentment, and physical fear. Where these passions cease to be active, there the world is dead…. Someone has said of the Saints that while alive they were dead; for though living in the flesh, they did not live for the flesh. See for which of these passions you are alive. Then you will know how far you are alive to the world, and how far you are dead to it.”

+St Isaac the Syrian (7th Century)

https://www.youthoftheapocalypse.com/

I like being alone

because I know

I am never entirely solitary

still, I am outside

burning

searching for  my old soul

and beauty

in other contemplating eyes

-Solvarg

 His vanity

requires my response

Inexplicable splendor

between two lives

I, God, engaged them 

in lamentations

and fragments of prudence

a prison plein de rêves

Hollow, leaning together

whispering together

Alas!

Remember us!

We have evidence 

of our sweetness

Listen to the angels.

-Solvarg